Have you and your partner reached a bump in the road? Do you feel that your partner is not noticing you or giving you the attention you desire? Do you feel that your relationship is drifting away? Do you have the fear of losing your partner because you feel he/she has lost interest?
Most relationships will become less passionate and intense as the years go on, although for some this may happen sooner, and others it may happen to a lesser degree. Every relationship is different, but it might be very distressing. Whatever the case may be, it is important that you keep the attachment and bond alive and active, and here are six steps to help you regain that lost interest.
1) Don’t Be The First to Reach Out
It might seem to go against every instinct, but if you are constantly the one initiating time or conversation your partner doesn’t have to put forth any effort. When you back off to the point that they have to make the first move to reach out, it also slightly retrains how they think about you. First of all they will likely be surprised when they realize you haven’t made some attempt to get their attention and affections, especially if you do this regularly. This will cause them to put you in mind and it might even make them a little unsettled by the sudden change. The very fact that they will go out of their way and break the routine in order to stay in touch with you will give you a greater importance in their own mind.
This is a tried and true technique that can be seen in human psychology; we always want what isn’t readily available, what we have to work a little bit to attain. By reaching out first you are not only making yourself constantly available, you might even be pushing yourself on them even though it is only because you love them.
2) Let Your Partner Wait a While if They Contacted You First
This is probably exactly what you want, for them to reach out and contact you first. If you have tried the first step this is the natural consequence you will see. Of course your first response is probably to reply to them immediately, but doing this can be a mistake. Appearing somewhat aloof is working, and by giving them a fast response you will be going back to being readily available.
It may not be easy, but it will be worth it to put your phone away and continue doing what you were for a while. This doesn’t mean you should make them wait too long, because there comes a point where leaving them hanging might become somewhat cruel. Use your own judgment to determine the best time frame, but more than likely you won’t overdo it–if you’re used to always being there.
3) Take Care of Yourself First
Do the things that give you a sense of value, things that reaffirm your self-worth and boost how you see yourself. It’s really easy in life to put yourself second or even last, to put the value of other people higher than yourself. Many people find themselves bending over backwards to make someone else happy when they themselves are not happy, or giving other people the attention and things they themselves need.
Before you do things for others, especially your partner in this case, make sure that you have everything that you need. What you need to do to take care of yourself will be different from anyone else, it might be taking a day at the spa or it might be spending time with your best friend. Look inward and ask yourself what is needed, because you are the only one who truly knows or can attain it. This is one of the most important things that you can do.
4) Let Them Know You Have a Life
If you don’t have your own life, or enough of one, this is probably a good time to cultivate it. If you find yourself waiting for someone else to notice you, it might also be a sign. That just means that you have an opportunity to pick up a new hobby like dance or painting, spend more time with or making friends, perhaps pursue your dream job.
If you do have a life of your own, stop putting things aside and rescheduling for your partner if they aren’t willing to do the same. Stop making your life revolve around them to the point they may not even know it exists, and instead flaunt it. Let your interests and your career and friendships shine so that they can see how fulfilled and happy you are, even when you aren’t spending time with your partner.
5) Be Intriguing and Mysterious
Don’t try to explain what you do in detail, leave a bit of intrigue about yourself, as one example. Rather than revealing everything about yourself, your day, your experiences, keep some of it under wraps. Don’t keep secrets and important things that could affect your relationship from your partner, but some harmless secrecy about trivial things won’t hurt them. When they realize that there is a lot about you that they still don’t know, this will cause them to pay more attention to you and ask more questions. They may even exclaim, “I didn’t know that, you never told me,” and ask you to fill them in next time.
6) Use Social Media to Your Benefit
This is a good way to let your partner know you have a life. You can show them you’re having fun in many different settings whether you’re out with friends or chilling indoors. If you are working on taking care of yourself first and having your own life, it should make it a lot easier to casually post updates and pictures of yourself doing things you enjoy. It won’t seem forced or staged because it will be real and genuine. If you are also working on being more intriguing and mysterious, this will be a good way to subtly let them see how much they don’t know because you haven’t been telling them everything.